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People who are abused need support. People who are abusive need help. The bystanders—including neighbours, friends, and family members—need to know what they can do to make a positive difference. Bystanders often know that abuse is happening, but don’t know what to do about it.

Here are some important reminders from Neighbours, Friends and Families for Older Adults:

Abuse is never the fault of the person being abused.
If an older adult tells you they are being abused or hurt, believe them.
If you suspect abuse, check it.
Before you act, ask yourself: What are the safety issues? Am I being respectful?
If you are living in an abusive relationship, learn about safety planning.

The overall strategy is to interrupt the isolation that exists in all abusive relationships.

If you suspect abuse

Talk to the older adult. Wait for a time when you are alone and not likely to be interrupted. Ask caring questions; don’t impose answers. Listen to the person’s experience. Ask what they want.
Respect rights and personal values. Those rights include confidentiality, privacy, and self-determination. Mentally capable adults have the right to make decisions, including choices you might consider risky or unwise.
Seek consent or permission. In most cases, you should get consent from an older adult before taking action. This includes getting consent before sharing the older adult’s personal stories, financial information, or health information with anyone else. Look for the least intrusive ways to offer help. If the person you are worried about doesn’t want to take action, respect their choice. Keep the lines of communication open. However, if the situation is dangerous, don’t hesitate: call the police or 911.
DO NOT confront or accuse the abusive person. They may take it out on the older adult.
Avoid ageism. Do not let ageist or discriminatory thinking affect your judgment. Avoid stereotypes about older people. Respect the dignity of all people, regardless of their age. Learn what you can do about ageism.
Get informed. If you work with older adults, you need to educate yourself about elder abuse. Know that abuse and neglect can happen anywhere and by anyone. Learn the warning signs of abuse. Learn what you can do to help, and what the law says you must do when someone’s safety is at stake. If you’re not sure what to do, or if you need support, check with a professional.

Adapted from Neighbours, Friends and Families for Older Adults (itsnotright.ca) and from the Canadian Centre for Elder Law's A Practical Guide to Elder Abuse and Neglect Law in Canada, p. 5.

Learn about safety planning

What are the safety issues?
Am I being respectful of the older adult’s rights?

If you are living in an abusive relationship, a safety plan can help you live more safely day to day. It can also help you to plan a safer way to make changes or leave the situation. Leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship, so it’s important to plan well. DO NOT tell the abusive person about your plan.

A local shelter, police, or victim services office can help you create a good safety plan. Here are some basic steps:

Arrange for regular home visits and telephone contact with friends, family, or service providers.
Have emergency money and a prepaid phone card somewhere outside of the home.
Give copies of important documents and keys to trusted friends or family members.
Pack a bag of extra clothing, medicine, and personal aids (glasses, hearing aids, etc.)—whatever you would need to manage for a few days if you decide to leave. Give the bag to a trusted friend or family member.
Keep phone numbers of friends, relatives, shelters, or other trusted individuals in a convenient place.
Have a safety word that will let a trusted friend or family member know if you are in danger.

Where to get help

Physical abuse

It is physical abuse if somebody hits an older adult or handles the person roughly, even if there is no injury. Giving a person too much or too little medication, or physically restraining a person, are also forms of physical abuse.

Sexual abuse

It is sexual abuse if somebody forces an older adult to engage in sexual activity. This may include verbal or suggestive behaviour, not respecting personal privacy, sexual touching, or sex without the person’s consent.

Emotional abuse

It is emotional abuse if somebody threatens, insults, intimidates, or humiliates an older adult, treats the person like a child, or does not allow them to see their family and friends. Emotional abuse can devastate a person’s sense of identity, dignity, or self-worth.

Financial abuse

It is financial abuse if somebody tricks, threatens, or persuades older adults out of their money, property, or possessions. Misusing a power of attorney is a common form of financial abuse.

Violation of rights and freedoms

It is a violation of rights and freedoms if somebody interferes with an older adult’s ability to make choices, especially when those choices are protected under the law. Examples include interfering with spiritual practices or traditions; withholding mail or information; denying privacy; preventing visitors; dictating how someone else can spend their own money; or keeping someone in an institution without a legitimate reason.

Neglect

It is neglect if somebody fails to provide the necessities of life, such as food, clothing, a safe shelter, medical attention, personal care, and necessary supervision. Neglect may be intentional or unintentional. Sometimes the people providing care do not have the necessary knowledge, experience, or ability.

Systemic abuse

Systemic abuse (also called institutional abuse) refers to rules, regulations, policies, or social practices that harm or discriminate against older adults. Systemic abuse includes rules that are developed for an apparently neutral purpose, but that hurt the person. Examples include using physical restraints as an easy way to prevent falls; or diapering a person instead of helping them to the washroom, simply to save time or effort. Sometimes staff shortages can lead to systemic neglect.

Elder abuse is any action or inaction that threatens the health or wellbeing of an older adult. Some people call it senior abuse or abuse of older adults.

Older adults have the right to live safely, to be treated with respect, and to manage their own affairs. When someone violates those rights and causes harm, that’s abuse. Often the person causing the harm is someone in a position of trust, like a family member, friend, or caregiver.

All abuse is an abuse of power and a violation of trust in a relationship.All abuse is an abuse of power and a violation of trust in a relationship. The harm can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or involve some other breach of a person’s rights and freedoms. Neglect is also a form of abuse.

The abused person may or may not realize that their rights have been violated. The person causing the harm may or may not know that their action or inaction is abusive. Bystanders might suspect something is wrong, but be unwilling to get involved or unsure about what to do.

Abuse can happen to anyone at any age. It is a myth that abuse only happens to dependent, frail, elderly people. Abuse often happens to capable, fully functioning older adults. People are usually ashamed to find themselves in an abusive relationship. They might ask themselves: How did this happen to me? How did I get here?

Some abusive behaviour is illegal; all abuse is wrong.

About this overview

This brief overview describes different types of abuse, some warning signs, and some steps you can take to prevent or stop abuse. The information is adapted from the following sources:

Many of our network members across Canada are working hard to develop resources that meet specific needs in their communities. Visit our xxxx page to find out more and to recommend additional links.

Please note: The information on this website is not a substitute for professional legal advice, counselling, or other supports. Elder abuse is complex. A response that is helpful in one situation might be harmful in another. If you have any doubts about what to do in a particular situation, talk to a professional.

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